A Letter To The God

With you I fight
when I grumble
I salute your might
when I stumble!
I close my eyes... when I cry
a tear drops and ...
I pray!

Dear God,

Its been ages since I last heard from ya! I agree to the core of my heart that I am a very complaining human being! I cry more for things that I don't have and thank you less for the things that you have blessed me with. I commit sins every passing fortnight and hurt people around me with most of the words that I omit from my mouth! I hurt even those who love me with their pure selflessness... I destroyed a lot of good that you created in me once in terms of thoughts and actions!

I had skipped my promises I once made to you, have ditched friends that you gave to me, have dumped the worthy things that you tried to bring in my way... but that was all long back!

I never said sorry to you for any of those because I sincerely believe that you are right there, watching it all, Knowing it that why I did that... I have never given you reasons for my actions cos I really believed that you know them all already... thats what my faith is!

I hardly pray to you every single morning as a schedule or something but does a son have to say thanks to his father for every single thing that he gets by him each morning! When I use to pray in my school I t began with a phrase “Our father in heaven...” . Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Then where are you dad? For what amongst all my sins are you punishing me so so harshly? I say sorry to you for the first time cos I want to let you know, that I had been waiting for you to pamper me a bit from ages! Ever since I ran from your doorsteps, 5 years back... and came and cried on my bed cursing you, I had waited for you to enter my room, tap me on the back and just hug me once!

I challenged you! I spoke bad about you! I even questioned your existence... but that was all just to grab your attention father! Don't you know that? Don't you know me? Don't you know how foolish and childish you son is? Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Enough of this pa! I need you... not just now, I always needed you actually, you always knew it too! Still you never came for my rescue... I fought and fought and now I quit! I wont fight more till then time you promise that you will fight with me too! Tears ... father please come and give me a hug once! I am starving... its been ages since you last played with me, its been ages since you last heard me sing, its been ages since you last watched me dance, its been ages since you last held me!

My soul is not that sinful, its the above cover that pushes it in that mud, from within U know who I am. Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Kal main roya tha tujhse lad k
aaj main roya hun tujhe manane ko
aapki raah mein khada hun aaj
aapke sajde mein jhuka hun phir...
agar girne lagun toh utha lena
ho sake toh maaf kar dena!

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( Ps – tu mere rubaru hai... teri aankhon ki Ibadad hai, bas itni Izzazat de... kadmon mein zameen rakh dun! Phir sar na uthe mera, ye jaan bhi wahin rakh dun... Ek baar toh deedar de, Ek baar toh deedar de... deewana bana apna, deewangi yun ki hai! )

( Pps – signing off in tears! A very emotional and personal post! I don't know what I wrote and why I wrote... You might have missed everything that I was talking about, but I knew exactly what I was trying to say!! This is not a blog post, Its a self soul talking...)