Madness Of True Love

He – I loved with you ever honesty I could. You were the first girl of my life and will be my last one too! I know that society will find enough reasons to curse me tomorrow and say that The stupid Guy died for a girl, How foolish he was! They will infact label me as another Majnoo or something like that but their laughs on the face of my coffin don't make a difference to my will to die anymore, They are insane people who might never understand the continues pain of my heart which has made life worse then death! I suffer every passing night, mostly dreaming about the happy moments I shared ever since I met you!

When was the first time we met... class 10^th or something? 7 years have passed indeed dear! It was a long time of full faith and commitment na! I cannot actually be strong enough to witness the end of it this way so before you get married to him tomorrow night, I am wishing you happiness with all of my heart and as a parshaad to my lord, I am sending off my soul, foolish it sounds, But my mind is not in a state to make that judgment...

before I go away and rest in peace! I want to let you know that since the very day I saw you, I fell in love with you, and before that as well as from there on it was no other, Yeah! I use to tease you that you are not like Rani Mujherjee or Sonal chauhan or catherine Zeta jones at times but that was all sheer leg pullin to make you smile just once, I want you to always remember that a smile on your face was and had always been my first priority so forgive me for all those stupid fights that we went through, I kiss your feet in my dreams to apologize for the times when I hurt you! I promised you a lot and always showed signs that one day I will succeed in life but finally landed on as a failure, m sorry! I worked really hard on that book I wrote and I really have'nt ever been able to judge why it was never published and accepted by anyone whom I tried to show it too! Finally I am sorry to you that I was not an I.A.S , In fact I never gave that exam, Had I been that I would have surely been your groom. I have flushed that ring which I purchased from selling that articles of my blog too! I pray to god that we meet again next life and I make you wear that ring too, I now know that being honest,loyal, faithful and caring is not an eligibility to woo your family, all you have to be is be an I.A.S. And finally I am sorry that your good boy have drunk for the first time in life today but I promise its the last time too...

With ocean of love and universe of blessings...

(WHAMP!! A BULLET SHOT !! The boy falls on floor... his eyes are red! Not with blood, revenge or anger... But with Love! True true love! )

His last words were...

Tujhe khone ke baad jab jeene ki wajah na mili...
tere ghum mein marna hi mera muqaddar that shayad

Once I lost you, I found no other reason to live and accepted that..
may be just To die from in the bliss of your pain was my destiny.

*************************************************

Her – I had always been and I am sure is still a reason for you to cry! I am a bride today but why do I still see your name in my mehandi, Its color is not even half as dark as what It was when 2 years back on Diwali night I secretly colored myself with mehandi of your name! I had been the tough and less emotional girl in our relationship but there is hardly a count of things that I always felt for you, but its just that you being a writer was able to express it while me being a lazy spoil girl always failed to do so.

You were and you will always be the person in my heart, I shouted the same things to my father but he never accepted it and I am bound to hands of fate for being a doll in the face of a bride! I don't exactly know why it happened with us! Its impossible to convince my mom that only you cannot eat in college canteen for days to buy a pendant for me, only you can stay awake for me for nights when I stop talkin to you, Only you can sing songs on phone just to make my failures light, only you can walk in a mall with your friends and never turn around at a girl cos you live in a dream of being with me all the time, only you can look in my eyes and smile the way you do, only you can write world's most flawless poems to describe the love that we share, only you can comfort me speaking the most absurd things on face, only you can understand the real soul of mine, Only you can keep me happy for forever...

The list to this only you... is actually endless! And tears are spoiling this page while I am penning it down! I don't know what comforts I will have being the wife of An I.A.S but All I know is that he can and no one else can too be You! You were, You are and you had always been different !! Thanks for letting me know and letting me grow of what I am today, Its all because of you! I also want to let you know.... that... You were the best human being, best poet, best philosopher, best friend and most helpful person that I ever met and off course the best best lover too in all senses! I actually don't wanna give a first taste of something that I owe to you so where ever you are, just take care of yourself honey, I am ending this fake and incomplete life of mine which was only complete being in the shadows your soul, in the heat of your arms, in the whispers of your verses! I am sorry that I was never able to tell my father that being with an I.A.S is not all that a girl desires! Being with you is something that only luckiest people get a hand at, I was luckiest and its better dying than losing that state!

I belong to you and will always belong you....

(WITH THIS SHE JUMPS FROM HER BALCONY! WHILE MID WAY TO DEATH SHE REMEMBERS THE DIMPLE ON HIS FACE, SHE WAS FOUND DEAD THE NEXT MORNING... STILL SMILING IN HER CORPSE! )

Her last words were...

Us maut mein bhi ek tohfe sa maza hai
jiske saath bas teri ek jhalak mil jaye

That death too is as joyful as A gift..
which promises a single sight of you!

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( PS - The last one in the series of DARK posts that started with alfaaz 5, I am an over emotional person, very very filmy the way my stories sound at time... but I write from the vision of life that I live in, Its my world, where true love and emotions are way way above priority to practical things! My pen lives in its own world which I admit sounds Unreal to most of you but It actually is not so unreal to my perceptions... a post on kajal's blog on a similar parting away topic was very realistic and I still love it as one of the best blog post I have ever read! uncomplete sentences have multiple ends, but as they say no story is complete till the end is positive... so the last pic shows their reunion in heaven! I am a hopeless over romantic creature...and I know my days are limited in this practical world, soon either I will be just one of them or get crushed... till that time I want to live in my fairy world of emotions)

(PPS - Jo mera ho nahi paayega Is Jahan mein kabhi... Run ban kar milunga Usko... Aasmaa mein kahin, Pyaar Dharti pe Farishton se Kiya nahi jaata, Khubsurat hai woh Itna saha nahi jaata... kaise Hum Khud ko rok lein... Raha nahi jaata )

Afterscript - I LOVE YOU! DONT EVER LEAVE ME...

From The Diary Of a Terrorist.

Saturday 12:45

Its a bitterly cold night, one of the coldest that I have ever witnessed! Perhaps my last one too...

dear diary,

I don't know exactly what to say tonight. Nobody in this world knows me but in the days to come I will make headlines, my pictures will cover the front pages of newspapers! I always wanted to do so but not exactly this way....

I was born under the shadow of hatred, living on its whims and fancies and in the end I will vanish in its dark galores! Yes hatred it is, but I know people will conclude it as terror!

19 years down the line, all I ever witnessed have been cursing and torture, I had been stated time and again to answer the very reason of my being alive and perhaps tomorrow I will for the first time give an answer to that, which will also be the last time too!

I was the third one amongst the five siblings, born from the womb of the second of the three wives of my father! He was a chain drunker when I was born and ages by the time I was 8 years old, his liver was damaged and he quit his addictions of alcohol, Now all he demanded was a bed and a beedi!

My mother died while giving birth to my sister which was second most younger child of the home, about 5 years younger to me! Her name was Saba, the only one in home with whom I had a great chemistry at home. My father never worked since the time I gained consciousness. I use to fetch a rickshaw from the age of 9 and was the only one in the home who managed to clear the high school! Not just clear it, I stood the first amongst my village, a feat that my half dead father and step mother full of hatred might still not even know of. From then on I got a scholarship to pursue 2 years of diploma in mechanics and instrumentation which completed by the time I was 17. when I went back to home, I was informed that our eldest brother had been murdered by a group of people when trapped in between a hustle of shia and Sunni tribes! He was stabbed and later submitted to death from his injuries when younger step mother slapped my father on demanding some saved money from the saved allowance of home! The brother who died had fetched my rickshaw for 3 years while I was studying hard! Light and water hardly use to visit the areas where we lived, behind the suburb docks of Ahmadabad. The elder step mother died of AIDS later that month which she was alleged to have acquired from an unknown man that use to visit us while my father use to sleep for days when occasionally trying to drink again. The younger step mother was too cruel and harsh for me and Saba. She spent days cursing both of us for all the poverty that we had. Saba was a bright painter and her work was all that brought me comfort those days while I was searching for some Job helplessly. When the second most elder brother left the home to work in Dubai without even letting us know, I knew that now the entire household depended on me. Saba was too young to work and Rashid, born to my young step Mom was still in the pram!

Every passing the day started with the curses of her on me and Saba, My father too never liked this attitude of her but he was in no state to condemn! Saba was forced to quit her painting and studies and was made to sit on the Tobacco thela that My step mom ran, which supported our household. I was given an offer to work as a helper in the butcher shop adjacent to my home which I denied as I considered myself over qualified for it, this decision of mine brought a storm in house. I was not given food for 4 days and Saba was beaten endlessly for no fault of her. We desperately needed money! Wherever I went with my resume, There were 100 applicants running for 1 job, most of them had equivalent degree like me with lesser percentage of marks but had some backward support of source as they call it to be, I discovered that without this Source, its impossible to get a job here. Local news showed that some one had thrown cow dung on the statue of Hanuman temple, leading to which some religious tension had out broken in the town! I was sitting in the hall of an interview room when I saw some very disturbing visuals on television! I went inside the room and was greeted with a gentle smile of the manager there who chuckled to me and said “This job can be yours or can never be yours”, I failed to make out what he wanted to say! It was later that he stated it clear to me, He wanted 1 lakh rupees in return. I later was told that bribe is equally important as source! He told me to meet him In a week's time. I went to meet parvati, a girl whom I had been loving for past 7 years! She was there in school with me when I topped class 10^th . She gave me some bracelets and jewelery from her home to sell and get that job, I never wanted to take it from her but was hardly left with any option, I was too helpless and tired to try for a new job. She gave it to me and kissed me, which was the best feeling I ever came across apart from reciting the name of god. Love surely is the best feeling one can have, that I know for sure! Its selfless and pure.

I sold those jewelery right away and gave the money to the manager which ensured my joining from Monday onwards, as a deputy engineer in national steel plant. I ran as fat as I could to give this news to my step mom but all I discovered was some ashes of my home and silence. Our locality was burnt by some people who were fighting from the sides of Hindu in a war, which I had no knowledge of. My step mom slapped me tightly and accused me of being late and of being no use to their home! I was broken and shattered, no matter who my father was, I loved him deeply.

I cried for hours on the railway station from where I was picked up by a police van and beaten to hell asking for a question that why I burned a railway boogie and what connection I had with that entire event that took place some days back. I had no clue of what he was talking about, I was here at the station to find a place where people dint knew me so that I can cry alone, But I forgot that I was a Muslim and people know me everywhere from this identity.

I was hanged on wires and tortured with a bat for 8 nights when my sister came and bailed me, she was upset by my state as well as by the comments that policemen passed on her! On our way home, she asked me “whats the real cause of fight between Hindus and Muslims”, I didn't had an answer to that! I actually don't know that answer. I went to parvati's home the other day and she slapped me as soon as she opened the door, she asked me what crime her brother had done for which he was cut into million pieces by my people. I had no clue who my people were! She told me that she would not like to see my face ever again and warned me to call police if I ever tried to saw her again. I was sad to imagine the state of her elder brother Ghanshyam cut into thousand pieces and depressed and shattered by the sudden loss of her! I considered her next to god. I lost her forever that day.

Two days later I went to factory to start my job when the manager asked me who I was. He told me that this country is not mine and its enough that my life has been spared, I should stop bothering about the job and leave the land as soon as possible! I punched him hard, that was the first time I committed a sin, If it was a sin that is. Police was called and I was dripped inside a water taker with ice for 5 nights and asked to sign a paper on which It was written that I take responsibility of my involvement in crime and local MLA murder that took place yesterday in a communal mob up down. I was thrown half dead on the outer skirts of the town by a big blue police van which carried 18 others like me. I managed to reach home and where we had no food to eat and were trying to sleep when suddenly a mob with several people wearing a saffron flag on their forehead came and took out home by storm, they burnt my step mom tying her to her thela! Stabbed me thrice and raped and killed Saba chanting some hindu verses. I saw her shouting with pain and my half conscious eyes finally closed. The last thing I remembered was one of them shouting to me, Just like my step mother, manager and policemen the other day asked me “why exactly I was born”.

I opened my eyes in a place full of weapons, I was given medical Aid and support and also food to survive! I was asked to work as a militant which I refused, the same people who claimed to be my brothers beaten the hell out of me and throw me out of their camp like a piece of dirt. My tongue was cut so that I can never speak to my fellow Muslims about what they did to me. I slept in streets for 2 weeks, election campaign was on and one day I saw the local Minister rallying with the same people who raped my sister. I was too numb to be sad or angry at anything till that time.

I had worked hard as a vendor of eggs outside a local Gym for past 6 months and now I have sold everything that I collected in last 6 months to purchase A bag of explosives from a place very close to that camp where I was once brutally punished for refusing terror.

I am signing off my diary for the final time now. I am yet to decide from where to start... A temple, A mosque , A police station or a home! Tomorrow onwards I will be on news, some terror organization across the border will claim me as their prodigy and for weeks I will cursed on television by angry Mob and people of this system! Do they actually have the right to do that? I wonder...

Imran Kasmaal

---------------------------------------------------------

( PS - Thats a try on fiction in terms of sadness and darkness! call me a pessimist or whatever but Fiction is nothing much a truth wrapped with fake names for me... I believe in everything that I have penned down here! and nothing can shake this mind set, every terrorist and diverted soul is a result of a system failure, we all at some point and place are responsible for each of the evil in our society !! The fucccccccked up place called modern India Society is a place too too difficult for many too honest and straight human beings and some of them do get a little more diverted and choose path of crime and terror.)

( PPS - Yeh kaisa darr hai,Yeh kaisa asar hai,Yeh kaisi bechaini,Kaisa Khauf chhaya hai..Kisne luta, kyu luta,Sukun mulk ka mitaya hai ?Kya unka koi imaan nahi ?Kya unka koi naam nahi ?... EACH OF US DO ASK THIS !! but have you ever thought about the kind of system that we live in? I am not justifying there actions or terror... I condemn it! ALL I pray is that some people some day realize the difference between terror pshychology and a terrorist! When there is a "Z" in front of us, Its very clear that "A,B,C...Etc" Must also have existed and lets get into the causes of their existence! Did our system also behaves unjust to some people due to which they pick up arms, the maoists, The Naxalites, The mujahiddin... if any of these have a boy born and brought up in India Now fighting for them against us, what was his life when he was a child, Just trying to learn how to speak and how to walk, have u ever thought about it? he was not a terrorist then... then at that time who was he?)

Unbearable Nights (Alfaaz - 5)

Kitni baar kaha tha ki inta pyaar mat dena
Ki uske nashe mein jeene Ki Aadat si ho jaye
ab phir paimaane huye hain khaali
ab phir ruh ko hai teri mohabbat ki hai jarurat
par tum nahi ho! Tum kahin nahi ho!!

Phir Neend nahi aa rahi hai
Phir raat guzarti jaa rahi hai...
tere baare mein sochte hi
Phir aankh dubduba rahi hai...

na tu mujhse dur gayi hai
na maine tujhe khoya hai
par teri kuch din ki judai se hi
Phir dil mera roya hai...

Kitni baar kaha tha ki khud mein itna mat samaane dena
Ki main apni shaqsiyat ke wajood ko mita dun
Ab phir bewajah ki udaasi mein doob rahi hai meri jaan
ab phir saanson ko hai teri mahek ki talab
par tum nahi ho! Tum kahin nahin ho!!

*********************************************

pyaar – ek nasha sa!
Ruh – ek dawa sa!

Gum – ek adat hai!
Ilaaz – ek deedaar hai!

Intezaar – ek awaaz ka!
Sahara – ek raaz ka!

Mohabbat – ek naam se!
Shayari – ek shaam se!

Umeed – ek paighaam ki!
jarurat – ek saath ki!

***

main – ek unsuljha sawaal hun!
Tum – uska ek maatr jawaab ho!

( PS - Thats the first one of the 3 post series of DARK posts On Love here @ My blog . bookish, and orthodox overemotional aspect of love and Human nature in Life is covered here, Pain and agony adding to the glory and a fire whose heat one enjoys while burning! More to come.. stay tuned! )

( PPS - Hongey Kabhi Hum Juda, Maine ye socha na tha... ye sitam, Tu bata Kyun Hua? Jiya na jaaye... tere bin saathiya! Yaadon mein tu hai, Raat din saathiya)

A Letter To The God

With you I fight
when I grumble
I salute your might
when I stumble!
I close my eyes... when I cry
a tear drops and ...
I pray!

Dear God,

Its been ages since I last heard from ya! I agree to the core of my heart that I am a very complaining human being! I cry more for things that I don't have and thank you less for the things that you have blessed me with. I commit sins every passing fortnight and hurt people around me with most of the words that I omit from my mouth! I hurt even those who love me with their pure selflessness... I destroyed a lot of good that you created in me once in terms of thoughts and actions!

I had skipped my promises I once made to you, have ditched friends that you gave to me, have dumped the worthy things that you tried to bring in my way... but that was all long back!

I never said sorry to you for any of those because I sincerely believe that you are right there, watching it all, Knowing it that why I did that... I have never given you reasons for my actions cos I really believed that you know them all already... thats what my faith is!

I hardly pray to you every single morning as a schedule or something but does a son have to say thanks to his father for every single thing that he gets by him each morning! When I use to pray in my school I t began with a phrase “Our father in heaven...” . Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Then where are you dad? For what amongst all my sins are you punishing me so so harshly? I say sorry to you for the first time cos I want to let you know, that I had been waiting for you to pamper me a bit from ages! Ever since I ran from your doorsteps, 5 years back... and came and cried on my bed cursing you, I had waited for you to enter my room, tap me on the back and just hug me once!

I challenged you! I spoke bad about you! I even questioned your existence... but that was all just to grab your attention father! Don't you know that? Don't you know me? Don't you know how foolish and childish you son is? Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Enough of this pa! I need you... not just now, I always needed you actually, you always knew it too! Still you never came for my rescue... I fought and fought and now I quit! I wont fight more till then time you promise that you will fight with me too! Tears ... father please come and give me a hug once! I am starving... its been ages since you last played with me, its been ages since you last heard me sing, its been ages since you last watched me dance, its been ages since you last held me!

My soul is not that sinful, its the above cover that pushes it in that mud, from within U know who I am. Since that very day I believed you as my father! I had showed it less... as I am a disobedient son, but a son indeed! Isn't it?

Kal main roya tha tujhse lad k
aaj main roya hun tujhe manane ko
aapki raah mein khada hun aaj
aapke sajde mein jhuka hun phir...
agar girne lagun toh utha lena
ho sake toh maaf kar dena!

**********************************************

( Ps – tu mere rubaru hai... teri aankhon ki Ibadad hai, bas itni Izzazat de... kadmon mein zameen rakh dun! Phir sar na uthe mera, ye jaan bhi wahin rakh dun... Ek baar toh deedar de, Ek baar toh deedar de... deewana bana apna, deewangi yun ki hai! )

( Pps – signing off in tears! A very emotional and personal post! I don't know what I wrote and why I wrote... You might have missed everything that I was talking about, but I knew exactly what I was trying to say!! This is not a blog post, Its a self soul talking...)

5 STARS AND TWO THUMPS UP - ( Episode - 4 )

“BEYOND” is the name of blog that I am honoring with my excellence recognition logo this time! Its a relatively new blog on the block in terms of the amount of work and posts that has been contributed on it but it surely is one blog worth reading everytime I have reached that page!



What incited me to dedicate this particular post to the following page was the honesty with which abhinav aggarwal had been working on the latest series “My MBA journey”!!
He is a HBTI graduate and after working with ADOBE for quite sometime and gathering immense exposure and experience, he is now on his way to start his post graduation in masters in business administration from IIM – Lucknow and the time and twigs that he passed by in this journey of making it on top In CAT exam is now extensively covered on his blog!

Me being another aspirant of CAT who would be starting to prepare for the exam in 2010 soon, is glued to reading his honest posts which are extremely helpful. As a token of thanks to him and AS A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED PAGE I WOULD ADVICE ALL OF MY READERS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SIMILAR TO FOLLOW THIS PAGE AND SURELY GIVE IT A TRY!! :)

5 STARS AND TWO THUMPS UP FOR http://abhinavagarwal.blogspot.com/ From My side! :)

( Ps - One more award to come in this month! THANKS TO everyone who commented on my post... The regret ... I would like to name them... EACH OF YOU MEANS A LOT TO ME! THANKS for the support - Ajey , Pratibha, Prabhjot, Vedashree, Priyanka (THANKS TO EACH ONE OF U!)

(PPs - tere baare mein jab socha nahi tha... main tanha tha magar, Itna nahi tha )

Love,Life,Heartbeats and cell phone - 3

Read Episode -1 And Episode - 2 - Here....

“My hand reaches out earnestly in these times of confusion.
It dials the number of a familiar and calming voice ...
And gratefully, my lifeline to sanity ... remains intact. “

************************************************
- ( EXCLUSIVE SERIES BY Pulkit)

BEEP BEEP! Her phone vibrated!

( 1 new message from Him)

“woh akele chal diye aur hum khade reh gaye
har baar ki tarah aansu aaj bhi beh gaye
humne yaad kiya unhe har lamha
aur unhone has k kaha -
yaad kiya sabko bas ek tum hi reh gaye”

She reads it. Thinks for a moment. Then Moves to lobby of her house and dials his number...

TRING TRING !! TRING TRING !!

Him – hello... ( in a dull voice!)

Her – what kind of a sms was that? (confused and innocent voice!)

Him – I just sent what I felt! (pissed off!)

Her – Ur upset regarding sometime... Dear!!!!! (pushing the word “dear” a little too long)

Him – yes! But what the hell difference does it make to you...(loud!)

Her – hey! What happened exactly (sheepishly!)

pause!!

Her – why are you shouting?

Him – I am not shouting!! (louder!!)

Her – yes you are! And that too without any reason? (plain voice! Straightforward!)

Him – I have my reasons to behave the way I am doing but...

Her – but what...

Him – but you wont understand it! So better not talk about that! (softly... decreasing the volume!)

pause again!!

Her – how was your day?

Him – what difference does it make to you?

Her – seemed as if you had a big fight with someone...

Him – no! Nothing of that sort...

Her – then...

Him – will U believe me if I will tell you that I missed you the whole day...

Her – hmmm...

Him – and the day before and the day before and the full week before... and...

pause!!

Her – hey! I am sorry for being out of touch for past couple of days dear! Was just a little busy....

Him – its 17 days... and you call me friend huh! (pissed off!)

Her – so sorry dear, I didn't knew that you would be bothered about me so much... I thought you yourself would have been busy!

Him – and what the messages... why dint you answered those?

Her – I usually answer them dear, might have missed a couple...

Him – 34 of them! One in the morning and one in the night every day! (in a sad tone!)

Her – hey! I had told you dear... not to expect much from me yaar!

Him – Its not expectations, I really dont mind you being busy with stuff... its just that...

pause!

Her – what?

Him – nothing! Leave it! (a deep breath after that!)

pause!

Her – we are just friends from last one month!

Him – why are you telling me that?

Her – I am sorry dear! I was not knowing that you take my being around so seriously...

Him – depth of friendship for me has less to do with time and duration and more to do with quality of time that two individuals spend together!

Her – I can see that very well, Thats why we are talking after such a long time and you had been fighting with me throughout the call...

Him – I was not fighting... it was just that... I wanted to let you know...

Her – what?

Him – nothing! Leave it!

Pause!!

Her – you are one god damn emotional fellow!

Him – emotional fool na!

Her – no! I never said that...

Him – (silence!)

Her – I like emotional human beings and I am myself a very emotional girl !!

Him – hmmm....

Her – and you are the most emotional person that I have ever come across!

Him – you haven't seen much of the world anyways!

Her – more then you at least!

Him – huh!

Her – huh!

Him – I miss you a lot (smiles!)

Her – I will take care of that from now on dear! (smiles back!)

Her – bye dear! M sorry for the absence, will try not to repeat it, I promise!

Him – you should be more sorry for telling me that we are just newly bonded friends...

Him – cos I never treated you that way and will never do so too! (emotionally!!)

Her – missed ya too!

Him – smiles! ( a strange fast heart beat)

Her – bye! Tc! And dont be that emotional dear, thats an advice!

Him – thanks but keep it with you only!

Her – smiles! Bye!

Him – miss you!

Her – why? Just now we are talking na!

Him – Its actually...

Her – what?

Him – nothing! Leave it!

(cuts the phone!) [ call ended – 18 minutes , 34 seconds ]

BEEP BEEP! ( his phone vibrates!)

( 1 New message from her)

“aapke sawalon ne humein is kadar uljha diya
ki jawaab hote huye bhi hum usse suljha na sake
diya tha jo waqt aapne humein...
us waqt mein hum,
lavz piro na sake...
kaash samajh paate khamoshi humari,
toh guftugu hum apni aage badhate”

Gn. tc Dumbo! :)

BEEP BEEP! (Her phone vibrates)

(1 new message from him)

“ae khuda nazron ko kuch aisi khudai de...
jidhar dekhun bas woh hi dikhai de...
kaash koi aisi baat ho hawa mein...
usko pukarun to bas ussi ko sunai de”

Gn. tc! :)

She reads it three times and smiles! Closes her eyes thinking about him! “such a cute fellow he is”!!

*******************************

(Ps – do you actually believe in love at first sight? Or rather... love at first call? Or rather... Love at first sms? )

( PPs - teri yaadein, Mulakatein, woh raatein aur baatein... woh hawaon ki ghataein... mere dil Ko yaad aayein, tere bina mera jiya, sataye kyun piya, yaadon ne teri mujhpe ye jadoo kiya re... I MISS U A LOT!! )

The regret

Jalta nahi shareer
marti nahi rooh ...
zindagi ki raahon mein bas,
jalta hai woh dil jiske kabhi kuch armaan they
aur marti hai woh nazar jiske kabhi kuch sapne they
JO POORE NA HO PAAYE!

I was never a part of them
my thought was mine ...
the expressions descend
self glory of their shine!

Diluted dejected and disturbed
caught in their fake web,
from those whom I trusted
I was slay and stab!

My fault was all that ...
I was a dreamer of mist.
I wanted to built a nest,
of my own priority list.

expressing myself to
the silence of loneliness,
In the pool of my tears
I submit in this mess ...

Of all that I desired
no wish was fulfilled!
From the sword of my god
my soul got killed!!

Here in this flame and its
tormenting agonizing heat ...
I am being burnt to death
while My heart prays to beat !!

**************************************

This one is a dedication to every one around me whom I trusted in the last 4 years of my so called life.
I hate the very fact that I am drenching my life the way In which I am still leading it!
Every decision that I ever took in the past seems like a mistake to me this very moment...
In the blaze of pain and sweat of tears on my face! I sign off! Don't ask questions like why, how etc etc...
I might not have an answer to them! Cos there exists no answer! I wish come fake people around me burn to ashes soon...

***************************************

-----------------------------------------------------------
(June 14 - 16:05)

(Ps - Zindagi ki talaash mein hum, maut k kitne paas aa gaye... Jab ye socha toh ghabra gaye, Aa gaye... hum kahan aa gaye....!! Hum they aise safar pe chale , jiski koi bhi manzil nahi.... Humne saari umar jo kiya, Uska koi bhi haasil nahi !! Socho hum kitne mazboor they, jo na karna tha... woh kar gaye, apne baare mein socha toh hum... apne haalaat se darr gaye!! Zindagi ki talaash mein hum, maut k kitne paas aa gaye... Jab ye socha toh ghabra gaye, Aa gaye... hum kahan aa gaye....!! )

5 STARS AND TWO THUMPS UP

(Episode - 3)

Destiny's Child By Phoenix is another brilliant blog that I had been reading pretty regularly ever since I first came across it.


There is a sense of honesty, a sense of depth and a thought to ponder in many of the posts! The hard work of Raka is easily visible in this page, it is regularly updated and I recommend all the blog readers of my blog who have not visited this page yet to surely give it a try!


5 STARS AND TWO THUMPS UP FROM MY SIDE FOR waves-of-light.blogspot.com from my side.
take care, god bless and keep writing! Wish you success in all your future writing aspirations Raka!

अल्फाज़ -4(scribbles of the heart -3 = I am incomplete without you)

(You complete My Thoughts)
(tere bina mere alwaaz adhoore hain)

sawaalon k is bhawandar ko ab kaise jhelun
ek jawaab dena hota toh main sochta bhi...
sailaab sa utha tha armaano ka dil mein
ek lehar ko rokna hota toh main sochta bhi...

dil se nikalte har ehsaas ki kasam
bas dhudha tujhe jahan gaye kadam
na waqt ka taqaaza, na zamane ki fikar
bas tere hi didaar ko har lamha tarsi nazar!

kya jism ki hai tapish aur
kya bandishon ka kehar
kya rooh ki majboori aur
kya saanson ki lehar

aaj dastaan hai hazaar sunane ko
par khamoshiyon ka hi aalam hawaon mein hai
Unchahe khwaab hain laakhon baatne ko
par zhakhmo ka hi aalam dawaon mein hai

is shab ki sazish se ajnabi nahi hai ye andhera
par iski bandishon k upar haavi hai meri rooh ka sawera
alwaazon mein kho k unhe bhoolna hi swabhaav hai mera
meri adhoori kavitaon ko poora karna hi bas kaam hai tera!

Aaj gungunane ko hain nagme hazaar
ek saaz bhi saath hota toh main sochta bhi
adhoori baat ko khatam karna akele mumkin nahi
ek aapka saath hota toh main sochta bhi....

***********************************************

I was sitting idle when I thought of you
I was doing work when I thought of you
I was driving when I thought of you
I was crying when I thought of you
I was afraid when I thought of you
I was smiling when I thought of you

I was Incomplete when I thought of you
Your thought made me complete!
Without your thoughts, my words never make sense!

******************

(Ps - tu jo nahi hai toh kuch bhi nahi hai... ye mana ki mehfil jawaan hai hanseen hai )
Transfer season is here...shifting home soon! I am a person who moves on really slowly! sadness is dwelling fast upon me... I wish you were here to complete my thoughts in a full circle! Miss you more then words! I need you!

Fifteen Friends, Fiftieth Expression!

“It is a healthy person, Indeed,
who calculates riches
Not in gold but in friends.”

This is a dedication to some very special people! They are not a part of my life because I write, I actually have been writing because they are a part of my life. Not common faces of the blogsphere but surely common faces here at Poetic cries!

When one takes up the task of getting deeper and deeper in the virtual world of net, There arises a near possibility that your inspirations, dedications and work dilutes in the lanes of your persona as a blogger! I am glad to have the following people around me, that provides an environment here in my real life that helps me write with confidence on my blog :) With my 50^th post I would like to raise a toast to each one of them! They had been there to hold me tight every time My feet slipped on the ridge or rather everything I tried to jump in the valley.... they held me! They helped me!

1. Priyanka – I scribble, I giggle, I cry, I laugh... whatever I do with my work, I live with the belief that there is one person which would appreciate it and will pray for me to be successful as a writer! Its this belief that I have developed from her continues love and support that helps to write every time I start something new at my blog! I Notice the depth of your passion towards my work in each of your little gestures as well as comments and mind you... it would never be taken for granted dear! Thats a promise! I treasure you deep in me! Whenever you need me... I am just a call away! :) you are the best reader and concerned sister one can have! I am happy that I have you around :)

2.Faraz – thoughts would have stopped coming out of me and it I would have long back lost the belief In myself had I not been blessed by the presence of this fabulous human being! Your smile every morning and that warm handshake at bus stop gives me the strength to express myself :) thanks for everything! You are one of the purest souls I had ever met!

3. Nikhil – Long back when this blog was not into existence, this person used to appreciate me for every talk that I shared with him on chats and then on phone... we became friends and he always believed that my words made sense! It was this belief that was always present in my soul which helped me to keep on writing! Meeting you had been one of the best things that ever happened to me!

4. Param – I wrote! He read! His regular presence on my blog and words of encouragement consistently have instated the courage in me to blog more then I actually would have done otherwise! A regular support like his always brings a smile on my face by getting this amazing feeling of being noticed!

5. Salman – a teacher, a critic, an adviser! Kind of balances my over emotional approach towards life by bringing these harsh checks at times :P a successful freelance writer on net already, he helped me immensely in learning the technical concepts of blogging! Provided me the never ending desire to learn and improve! Whenever I think of him, I realize I have a long distance to travel and that desire is a real kick to keep on writing! composure that I acquired by having someone like him so learned around me had been a real gift!

6. Mety – Its more then sheer blessing to have a little soul sis like her around! No one and I mean no one can pamper anyone like the way she had done me over the years! I feel confident! I feel strong! I feel being loved because she is a part of my life! Cute gestures that makes me smile always and always! She is the best sis one can have! I know she is proud of me and I love this admiration, she means a world to me and this bond inspires to write honestly! It helps me being me!

7. Kartikey – rock star in every sense! A very honest friend to have around you for something like 7 years continuously! As we grew together, there developed an understanding of easy friendship thats not very common to have! We are best best friends! Respect each other for being what we are! This acceptance is a real strength to carry on my writing!

8. Rohit – His words and treatment that I get from him makes me belief that I somehow can make it big in life someday! He had been there to motivate me every time I felt down! I have been lucky to have friends like him around due to whom your thoughts keep on bulging from within you and thats what helps to keep writing!

9. Ekam – another friend in this list after nikhil and param whom I met through radio waves! Trust never lacked between us! Her presence on my blog means a lot to me. She had been a great support in every new venture I ever entered, every new experiment that I did !! friends like her and their selfless love is a pleasure that helps to carry on the expression!

10. Charu – a ball to kick when I am angry. A paper that burns in the fire of my frustrations when I am down. A stick to support when I am hesitating to walk. A push on the back when I am about to turn. A slap on my face when I deviate. A friend in need... a friend indeed! Glad to have a support like her, the respect that she displays for me and the immense encouragement from her end is a real inspiration!

11. Shalki – this medical student from china is one friend that had been admiring me ever since I last remember! Internet is a real blessing if you land up at loyal friends like her! Her trust on me gives me the responsibility to stay strong forever! It makes me belief that I am good enough to write!

12. Kittu – a soul younger brother whose promotion have helped this blog a lot many times! So many of the comments here makes me aware that They reach my blog through the link provided by him! His efforts and appreciation is such a pleasant thing to have! With this feeling of acceptance and love around me, Its easy to keep on writing!

13. Shagz – the butterfly of my page is shagun! Every time she leaves this one liner comment “nicely written pullu bhaiya”, there comes a big smile on my face! Her heavenly respect and emotional connect with my work had been a real inspiration to carry on!

14 And 15. - pranshu and shishir – two of my best friends at college! They have hardly ever read my blog( though pranshu appreciates my thoughts a lot as a writer anyhow) but having them in the class along with me on the last seat is more joy then words can ever say! When I write blog sitting in the computer lab, they take care of my attendance with proxies!! :D They help me being me! They love me for what I had been. They respected and still respect me for being what I am! This respect is the best feeling that I ever felt in life! I write in the intoxication of this feeling so many times...

friend is a word that is thrown around far too easily by people who don't know the meaning of it. Friendship involves loyalty, commitment, and a process that includes sharing another person's life. I know it takes many years to built a friendship like that, But I think somehow it must be worth it!

The only thing I can tell you that any effort put into a friendship is always returned many fold...

being an emotional fool is not always disadvantageous! :D

THANKS TO EACH ONE OF YOU and To SO MANY OTHERS WHO MADE THIS POSSIBLE HERE on BLOGSPHERE...

with ocean of love & Universe of blessings!!

Afterscript - Ms R(My Aapi), Dreamer, Pinkzz, Brosreview, yamini, prats, arun, Preetilata, Ashrita, Miss sunshine, sahityika, fms .... yes! each one of you! I need your support in every step forward... pls stay here with me forever! you all are special too in your own million ways :) mean a lot me!

PS - tears! miss you all :'(