Irrespective of how many motivational books I end up reading, and irrespective of how many “never give up” posters I tag on my wall – the negativity of the people around me continues to seep in every now n then. There is rain outside the window. There used to be an era when it had a knack to leave a curve over my lips with every falling drop. An era when roses looked red and skies looked blue, at the moment it’s all grey; Grey of the sort which is closer to black - Dark black.
It is 12.10, I am negativity to the brim. I want to slap a few people. I want to throw water on face of some of them. I want to take a shower. I want to wait in the shower till there is nothing but silence around. Shit. Cigarettes are over. Hallucination will have to take its place and melancholic madness can be expected to follow. I sometimes stand on the balcony and observe everything in silence. There are cars running around everywhere even at this hour. People are chasing things, chasing things in blinded pursuit, chasing things that are as temporary as their own existence with them shall be, still they are chasing them and irrespective of what you shall tell them about fatal ends to meaningless lives – they would continue to live one. A dog chases one of those taxis – he ends up half way barking as it speeds past along it. This is also the life of a dog sitting in it. Someday he would realize that irrespective of how fast he runs behind it barking, life is destined to pass by him. What loop is this. What life is this? Why are things the way they are? Patters my foot – it is senseless to the core. Has it always been like this?
I had to stop cribbing now. There is this girl I met. She had beautiful eyes – they lied. That made them even more beautiful. We met on a train. We talked of life. She faked it through in the whole conversation but now I don’t mind – everyone does. She spoke about her family and how she hates her parents. She was ungratefulness in motion – but nevertheless she was beautiful, or maybe I was horny or may be both. She got down on the same station. We took the same subway. She was to go to a party that night. Her boy friend was supposed to pick her up but for some reason he was late. I tried to stretch the conversation and ended up making it boring, more boring than what it already was. She wanted to smoke and I decided to share the last bud with me. She said she wanted it all for herself. I judge people who share cigs anyways so she had a plus one on my list. I told her it was about to rain. She said – she likes her hairs wet - Plus two immediately. Her boyfriend came just then. He was tall, had copper eyes and long hairs. He had a SUV, nothing that I should mention along with physical features but I want to anyways. He gave me a grotesque look as he kissed her on the cheek. There was one more girl in the car. She was on the back seat. She looked the back seat material. I don’t know what that means but some of my friends use that phrase so I suppose it might apply on her. The lady with the smoke sat in the car. It rushed past me – a few dogs chased it at the end of street when it took a turn. I could hear them bark.
It had stopped raining. The smell is beautiful. I am still on the balcony. Meaningless dogs continues to chase cars, cars with weird people. Cars that are like cigarettes given to strangers that don't really matter.