DISCLAIMER - A work of Fiction. A Narration of reality.
I was not personally responsible for it alone. We both were great friends and I don't know, why and how it all happened.. I still miss her and I kind of have this feeling of hatred for her that if not removed would never help me to forget her. I know this. But still...
One day while I was surfing on my routine orkut stuff, I got this strange friendly introductory chats from her. She use to carry this pseudo hidden names and these hot display pics (which never defined what she was in real).. I visited her account and found out that we had one common friend, which was a beautiful girl whom I had met earlier that year and she had told me about her best friend sana whom she regarded as more beautiful then what she was. I accepted her friend request on those grounds and logged off as we were short of topics to talk.
Few months later we met in college from the same common friend. She was this brown colored hair, glowy skin, milky texture, soft hearted,warm muslim girl. The only thing that was not expected from her in my thoughts of her to be was the small flabs that made her a little fatty on her comparatively below average height. Disapproved of her over stated beauty by our common friend I got more friendly with her due to her garrulous cute and helping nature.
One day out of nowhere she called me up on my cell. The purpose of the call was to sort out a small spur between me and this common friend. “Tumhari and shona ki ladai ho gayi, luk jaan, this is not good, fighting and all in friendship is very bad jaan... Oh! By the way... jaan means good friend...he he he...”, I smiled on the other end of phone, hearing her sweet kido voice... and immediately we share small jokes and cracks... and became friends. She got my phone number from this common friend, and when two gals discuss about you and one of them gives your phone number to the other to settle your score with the first one, you do feel good.
Three months later, me and my friend and our friend sana were at my place for an evening coffe of my mum's hand. She told me that her emo pics on orkut and strange tagline names were to hide her existence on orkut from her family members as they are very conservative and might disregard her socializing with many people of different belongings. It was obvious to me that time that they don't know that sanu was here and I am to practice big time caution while calling her from next time. Whats new in that with girls anyways... they want you to abide by rules that they make in friendships that they choose and the same never holds for them. Three days in a row back to back, a call after 10-30 at my landline and my mom use to ask why does “Sana always calls.. so late”, I answered the question the third day, telling her clear that Her Abbu comes back late and then only she gets access to phone ( she picks her abbu's cell, chupke se...and calls me to discuss her day... I skipped this part), she calls me for studies purpose, she is a good girl belonging to a gud family and there is nothing fishy between us. From that day on...and till date, she is the most loved girl whenever my mum or dad see her in market or attends her call and that explanation strengthen our friendship at my home atleast. We met again, a couple of months later, this time it was more fun, all 3 of us, me and sana by the time had become close enough to share everything ranging from personal family talks to raunchy cheaper jokes. Sana was the first muslim girl whom I had become friend with and talking to her was all so different in so many things. She was blatantly rash, too trust giving and extremely open about so many things to me, which made me feel all so close to her. She had this belief that I am in love with our mutual friend and for some reason, which I never knew...she wished that we both get together some day. I don't know how the fuck she knew it.
Anyways... few months later we all met again, same place. Me and our mutual friend, though loved to spend time with each other by then, and had become very close on phone...never ever met without Sana around. And we knew that it was the three of us sitting together in my drawing room that created smiles around. We used to laugh for hours. We met once in 4-5 months but the wait was worth it and Sana had her limitations at home which we respected. She use to wear bright suits and I used to flirt with her all the while she was around, she use to laugh and looked beautiful in doing so. A feet of her rested on my knee, which she balanced to swing on chair continuously while I use to sit on bed, we ate in same plate, maggi everytime. She always tried to fix me up with our mutual friend, Unaware( or rather aware) that we already were...ssssh!
A few months later. It was Sana's birthday. We met, she introduced me to her Friends from other superior colleges and stronger background. For some reason I felt awkward and failed to get mixed up with their approach and ambiance. I left a bit early from the party and wrote a testimonial for Sana on orkut that day to tell her, how much her friendship meant to me and how cute a person she is and has always been. She didn't replied to it and to the messages I sent on phone. 7 days passed. We met. She told me she was busy. What? I said. You could have replied atleast the sms. We had a small fight. It got sorted, when I thought that one can be actually busy in life with important stuff. I never was. :D (vella me)
around 20 days later I got to know from somewhere that Sana had been busy with his friends whom I met on her birthday party and she is seeing one of them too. I dint understood, why she had hide that thing from me. I was... don't know! She dint messaged me for next 20 days and neither to our common friend. She was busy. She got busier in days to come. And then nearly disappeared. We seldom very rarely talked on phone, I use to complain of her absence, she fought back and never accepted, what she did accepted was that she was now committed and happy. I felt happy for her but...
time passed. We started talkin less. Then one day... we fought, for some reason...which had something to do with her lover. She shouted back to me for the first time. She dint called back the other day. I messaged her in angry tone, trying to incite a response that I was pissed off and wanted her to pamper me back to friendship like always. She Dint replied. I messaged her that I am sorry, lets forget. She dint replied. Two months passed by. I messaged her and tried to contact her to sort out but it all went in vain. We met one day accidentally. I tried stopping her on road, she kept walking with her some friend, I stopped her like an eve teaser and told her that I missed her and she was an awesome friend, and I am sorry if I hurt her. She smiled and left. She messaged me from home... to get lost from her life. I later knew that all this while, some other mutual friend of ours told her things about me which I once said in anger but never meant. She told me, she hated me and so does her boy friend. I told her, I will never call her or message her again, I dream and wished her to be a self dependent girl in life but our common friend told me that she is soon going to marry and wont pursue education further and she is not marrying the same person for whom she left our friendship, I have many questions to ask and suggestions to give to her but everyone wish me to stay quiet, including my heart...which miss her a lot.
PS - Insecurity, possesiveness and Involvement of Ego is the worst thing in any relation. Be it friendship, LOve or family. Eventually it becomes dull and cynical once these elements gets involved... "Gaanth agar lag jaaye toh phir, rishtey ho ya dori... laakh karein koshish, khulne mein... waqt toh lagta hai..."
another trilogy at my blog! wait for the next part. Gosh! I need some sleep...
PPS - Har mulaakat pe mehsoos yehi hota hai
Har mulaakat pe mehsoos yehi hota hai
Mujhse kuch teri nazar pooch rahi ho jaise