Lets share life and something more

AT MY END - Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
.
.


Thats the entrance to the wash room of my flat... :D LOL! this portrait was gifted to me by mumma...5 years back. Its always on the door of my bathroom !! :D winks!


The room - cold ambience! I dont personally like writing here... I'm still not adapted to this place... thats the lappy, the television and the music system(covered behind it). The lighting of the place is good though! makes reading a pleasurable experience :)


Thats the study table. It reflects my state of mind. Disorder and chaos! I always have a parents pic on my study table...it keeps me focussed, as to, for whom I have to work hard...if not for myself...that is...


The night view in the cold from the back window is phenomenal today :)


This is me in college canteen. Sitting with the most humourous senior in college, Nancy Deepa. She was in CS 4th year, 2 years senior to me... A gem of a person to spend time with, she passed out this year. May god bless her!! ( NOTE - I dont look that funny like cartoon otherwise...I dont know, what the F**k goes wrong, whenever I try to pose! Huh! I hate my non photogenic attire...till the last moment of click...I am so damn unsure, as to how to behave ....shit! )



( Ah! Thats me! a reflection of contradictory occurences , thats the closest I can come to define myself in the shortest possible way :)


Divide and Rule - The policy of britishers apply on the toughest book of the semester also! This time, its Tear apart and rule!

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DISCLAMIMER FOR THE STORY - This MIGHT sound stupid and impossible in its practical aspect but Its inspired from a real event ...You never know with girls, you see...sometimes they are so so emotional and sometimes you just have to let them know, you love them...and they shall forgive you for biggest of fights! :)




She was just about to leave...Its been an hour since their argument took off. It went from worst to worst and after a spoiled date, she was leaving with wet eyes.
"Let me know... when you want to meet next, that is...if you do want that... Huh! , I hate the way, you take me for granted", she said. Her voice was choacked and stammering.
"I want to say...one last thing..." He replied...
NOW WHAT?
He came close. Held her cheek in an authoratative manner, as if she belonged to him... she stood still. He went closer...and closer...and closer ... and his lips answered the numerous questions that laid in afront of their struggling love life...
"I still feel the same for you..." He whispered. and left the room.
five minutes later... when he came back, she was still standing there...
" I have changed my mind, I will stay at your place for the evening, tonight and we wont make love...Huh! I hate you...", she smiled... A tear rolled down her eyes... she kicked him. she was so damn cute!
"all appointments cancelled",he sms'ed his office... threw his cell on the sofa...
went towards her again. she pushed him back. they wrestled, and then hugged...he lifted her...and they went in.

A heart that stops more then it beats
A wind that stares more then it blows
A moment.. thats stand still
A thought lost within skill

Mesmerizing humming of breath
Loud cacophony of dreams
A smiling dusk
A sensuos dawn!!

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PPS - # Lyrics of The Birthday song By Don Mclean #

If I could say the things I feel, it wouldn't be the same
Some things are not spoken of, some things have no name
Though the words come hard to me, I'll say them just for you
For this is something rare for me this feeling is so new

You see I love the way you love me
I love the way you smile at me
I love the way we live this life we're in

Long ago I heard the song that lovers sing to me
And through the days with each new phrase I hummed that melody
And all along I loved the song but I never learned it through
But since the day you came along, I've saved it just for you

I don't believe in magic but I do believe in you
And when you say you believe in me
There's so much magic I can do

Now you see me now you don't watch me dive below
Deep down in your love lake where the sweet fish come and go
And I might sink and I might drown but death don't mean a thing
'Cause life continues right or wrong when I play this birthday song
I learned from you, and you can't even sing

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I LOVE THIS SONG FOR ITS LYRICAL BEAUTY...A MASTERPIECE IN LAST 5 LINES...I DEDICATE THIS TO THE UNKNOWN ANGEL OF MY LIFE...I LOVE YOU!!

Way Back into Love

(i)
Seeping within
is a chaos,
where proportionality
is ruled by love
and
reasons are lost
long back!!

(ii)
Upthrust of
what I see at nights
recalling revisiting reshaping..
waiting for revival,
struggling for survival,
passing on..
eyelashes.

(iii)
A butterfly
with beauty of mass proportions
chirping its lullaby,
gazing from its twinkles,
makes me fall in love
with her
again and again.
Her presence stays
long after she goes.
Till the time,
she comes again

(iv)
That is what gives..
A reason to sleep
A reason to wake!

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Katron mein batkar
bikhartey se lamhey
saanson mein mehakti..
shaam ki khushbu"
Khamoshi ka daaman :)
lavzon ki nami*

Maathey pe saji,
tere honthon ki mehak...
bistar pe padey,
tere tutey baal...
phir puch rahey hain
Mujhse sawaal...
aur...
Laut raha hai phir
tera hi khayal!

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PS - Too much of blah blah about L-O-V-E lately on my end here at PCIP. I guess there are more then one reasons for penning these down...anyways, I am not able to write long stories for my blog for a couple of reasons(which some of you love to read :) ). I need more time for doing so, which I am not able to chalk down from my very verrrrrry Busy schedule these days and It might continue the same way till the end of year :( :( I know I know!! But what to do yaar...engineering ki padhai hai hi aisi, there is always a test in every 72 hours or something and My F**k college sucks big time...there I go again! Ssssh! well I am sorry for being irregular at my blog as well as in the comment boxes of the blogs that I follow :( But I want to mention that... I am quite regular on facebook these days and also enjoy microblogging at twitter alongside through my cellphone at times, Keep Updated with my stuff there if ya feel like :) and I am also happy with the completion of 90 posts and 2000 comments mark for my blog :) Now I have to wonder in what direction I should go ahead... ;) winks! take care. god bless. Love ya all. Thanks for the read...

PPS - ah! she loves this song..." All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!"

Mushy random Scribbles

DISCLAIMER - Not A Work Of Fiction! Inspired by the heart that beats within me and cries for your care, every single breath of my life...


Ek aag si tapish,
ek ruh sa sukoon,
Iqraar ki kashish...
Milan ka junoon!

Waqt ruk gaya usi pal
aapka jo deedaar hua!!
aapke husn ki roshni mein jagmag,
mera suna sansaar hua!!
Daastaan apni sunani toh thi unhe
par jaane kyun aaj phir khamosh reh gaye?
Apni hi dhuno ko alwaaz na miley!
taqdeer ko kismat k saath na miley!!
Ya shayad unki aakhon ki gehrayi ne..
aur unki palkhon ki masumiyat ne...
Humein phir sab kuch bhula diya!!
soch mein dubey hain,
sawalon ki mehak se madhosh,
mazilon k mayane har pal badal rahe hain,
Humsafar hai jo chalne ka naam nahi leta...!!
ye kaisa mod hai?
ye kaisi mulaqat hai?
na saath ki khushi; na judai ka gum.
.
.
bas ek khamoshi humare aansuon pe hassti si
bas ek lehar humare ishaaron pe masti si
bas ek lamha har aarzo mein thamta sa
bas ek khwaab humari palkhon pe jamta sa
bas ek pal har saans mein bikhra sa
bas ek phool humare honthon pe nikhra sa
bas ek ladki thodi pagal si
bas ek ladka thoda pagal sa!

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Don't stare at me
with a question in your eyes
I have no answer
I need you... I love u... I miss u... and thats all I really know!
One day I will rule over you
Just the way you have tamed my senses!

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Ek waqt aisa aayega...
jab...
.
.
Is kadar meri yaad tumhe satayegi...
bechaini khumaar bankar tumpar chayegi
sochte rehna tab ki tumhara humdun kahan hai
koi kahega tumse ki woh khush hai jahan hai
Tab tut k rotey rehna apni tanhaiyon mein
phir yaad karke is pyaare se dost ko!

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PS - Pain is the strongest aspect of love. Its beauty lies in its cause and reasons...which are understandable, solely to your own soul! There are too many questions that My heart asks to itself and there are a too many answers that it gets from within its own self. are you Confused reading this ??? Imagine... what I go through! Love at times...make you feel so so trapped! But Who wants to get free anyways. winks!

PPS - milke bhi, hum na mile.Tumse na jaane kyun, milo ke,Hai phasle tumse na jaane kyun
Anjaane, hai silsile.. Tum se na jaane kyun, sapne hai.Palko tale tum se na jaane kyunnnnnn…

Kaise batayein Kyun tujhko chahe Yaara bata na paayein....Baatein dil o ki
Dekho jo baki Aake tujhe samjhaein Tu jaane na aaaa..Tu jaane na

CATCH THE AMAZING VIDEO OF THIS SONG HERE .Its Worth it!

Talking of Love...

HIM -

Dear Diary,

Do you believe in love? I never used to… but one day I did !! from that very day… Nothing really has been the same! I have not been the same! Something has changed! I am changed!

SOMETHING THAT JUST HAPPENED UNNOTICED -

Gradually... for forever.

Let me tell you, How it all began...

We first met on that breezy evening. The location was her home.

It looked clean. She was wearing casual T shirt and a denim short. She looked cute rather then sexy. There was something about her that caught my attention. I am not sure what It was. It could have been a movement of legs while she chatted along. Or her usual practice of pulling her falling hairs back from her forehead and settling them behind, from the corner of ear. She had a very cute baby type voice and so much of freshness in her face. Her talks were too many and she said them all in one go. Ah! You feel like keep staring her all the time when you sit just next to such a good looking girl.

She had small eyes which almost vanished within her cheeks, every time she smiled...She was beautiful. She still is. I miss her a lot. I cry at nights thinking about the simplest way in which we met, unexpectedly and how we both lived on with each other till the time...I... I... I lost her. Its been 2 years, But I feel that it happened just this moment. For long, I wished I can turn back time and stop her... Now I...

I wish that she comes back one day,out of nowhere and finds me in this state. She might then believe that I actually loved her.

I miss being 'me', the way I was with her.

Dil dhal jaata hai
Raat jaati nahi

Aaankhein band karne se darr lagne laga hai...Jo kabhi haseen haqeeqat hua karti thi, wahi aaj Dard bhara khwaab hai!

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HER -

Dear Diary

Someone made me learn the four letter word of Love in a way that might never be able to forget the lessons he taught me. He conquered me and still rules over my senses.

It was an amazingly beautiful evening that brought this cute little prince of my heart on my doorsteps for some reason, which I don't even remember now, it was so so small.

He looked like a teddy bear. He behaved like a kid, He sounded like a dreamer. There was a spark in him that engulfed my room and the moment when my eyes met his, I got lost in his world. He grabbed my attention for the moments he stayed with me and I kept thinking about him when He left, I don't know why? Then we met again, and again and again... There was something about this boy that made me crazy about him. He was what I wish I had. I loved him But...

2 years later, I just know...

I regret moving away from him, I wish I was still in the heat of his arms. I feel cheated. I feel lonely, I feel weak... I miss him! I wipe my eyes after thinking about the simplest things that led to our love. I hug my pillow and break in darkness.

Mera shareer yahin hai...Khushbu kahin reh gayi
Tumse dur toh chali aayi, Par shayad main wahin reh gayi

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( PS - I feel like a used hankerchief)

(PPS - Kabhi khushbu, Kabhi jhoka, kabhi hawa sa lagey...Juda hokar bhi tu mujhse, juda juda sa lagey! )

Crumbling on My nerves

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Don't trust my eyes
They are deceptive
even for me.
Till where I can see,
Only thing that Lies before
Is
Darkness... Darkness... Darkness!

Sounds of merriness
are fading into shadows
of sheer ignominy

Abysmal mirages
seeping their way
to the core of my heart

Don't trust my vision
Its loosing sense
every now and then.
Till where I can plan,
Only thing I seem to be
Is
Blank.. Blank... Blank!

Crept within me
is a fear
of no less then
mass proportions

Some tears snuggling
into my cheeks
Some tears waiting
To be shed.

Don't trust my voice
Its sulking into pain
every passing second.
Till where I can scream
Only thing that comes back
Is
Echo... Echo... Echo!

********

I feel sick
I feel trapped
I feel tamed
I feel jealous
I feel disgusted
I feel ignominous
I feel disturbed
I feel ashamed
I know I am responsible for each of this.

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PS - I am done with what I wanted to vomit out from the past 48 hours!! You will see something better, then next time you spare time to read this blog! Sorry for the negativity that I just spit on your face. I need psychic treatment, anyways...


PPS - On a tombstone:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

Despodency

Staring in your eyes
Looking for support
searching for light
finding darkness in its core!

I am walking alone
down to hell
passing from fear
shedding my jewel

Up against me
is a tide of my own
shrieking in minnows
submitting in groans

Up and down
The pendulum swings
a gush of pain
for me it brings

I lay back to bed
entangle my pillow
submits to tears
rubbing this willow

It shapes to anger
a desire to destroy...
those who deteriorate
every possible joy

Its easier to find
the cracks in me
Its tougher to search
the life in me!

PS - I have quoted this scribble with reference to the sick place, where I am lending in 8 hours every passing day !! It is making me sick, It is making me cynical, It is making me vindictive! I feel like running away.... I hate that place! :( I regret being a part of it, I regret it every passing day!!

PPS - # Picture Quote ( From Zinda) - kehte hain waqt har zakhm bhar deta hai... Par shayad, Waqt hi mera Zakhm hai!